Loneliness at UBC

I wish I was still on practicum.  Part of it is that I don’t quite get the reason for being back here so soon.  I was learning more, faster, while I was in the high school.  I’ve come here where we now “reflect” on our experiences.  Like I haven’t already done that?  I’m a Theatre student; reflect is one of our major modes.  So instead of learning how to write a unit plan, or improving on our teaching style, we’re sitting in desks trying to pay attention to information that is either useless, already known, or easily accessible.  Regardless it does seem like a waste of time.  But more than that, I have another reason for not liking being back at UBC.

It’s lonely.  There are tens of thousands of people here, but no one talks.  I know maybe 100 people here.  Actually talk to maybe 40, and spend time with less than 20.  At the high school there may have been less than 40 teachers, but I knew a large number of them.  They talked.  They interacted.  They were real.  Not always trying to seem to be a perfect teacher, lest someone notice that they have doubts.  I love teaching, but I have problems with the program.  I don’t like how they tell us to do one thing, but model something else.  How they tell us that people will react to your expectations, and then treat us like elementary school students.  How they tell us to access prior knowledge in our students, and then tell us that our prior knowledge is wrong.  Why are we jumping through their hoops to join a profession that is completely different from what they are portraying?

Maybe it’s the area?  Maybe surrey is just a more accepting and open area than UBC?  Could it be because of the large number of people on campus that no one talks?  I miss UCFV, I miss everyone talking.  I miss not having an oppressive silence on the buses.  The feeling that I’d be breaking some social norm to talk to someone I don’t know and who may not be in my program. 

Varying Shades of Beige?

At UBC there is a change that occurs when one walks inside.  While one is outside they are connected to the world.  There is nature and beauty surrounding them.  Then you step inside and it all changes.  Narrow hallways are common.  The temperature is obviously controlled.  The walls are stark white, as is the ceiling.  The carpet or lino of the floor is a sharp contrast to the bright colours outside. There are windows, but they tend to be small and barred, as though the room is afraid of being too influenced by the outside world. At UCFV one could walk in and out of buildings without loosing the warmness of natural light.  Without loosing the warmth of colour.  The walls are not white.  The carpets and lino is not designed to be as far from nature as possible.  There is a connection.  We seem to be only one step ahead of SFU here.  At least the outside is pretty, even if the inside is awful.


Had an interesting discussion the other day at school.  We were talking about someones iPod Nano, which is awesome, and we got onto the topic of the iPhone. I want one.  I really really want one.  It won’t be available in Canada for at least two years, but I want one.  I sounded like such a fan-boy when I was talking about it.  But they’re cool.  Commercially viable multi-touch screens, a smart-phone without the crappy mini keyboard, an iPod that I can claim is almost practical, it’s just sweet. Of course it was at this point that someone brought up the term iSellout to describe myself and one of the other people (Megan, if you wanted a name).  Megan replied that she wouldn’t mind walking down the street with her iPhone and her Starbucks while wearing a (insert trendyish designer that I can’t remember here) scarf. Have I become an iSellout?  I don’t know.  I had Starbucks the other day.  I tend to wear either a plain solid colour t-shirt or a black button up shirt (coloured if it’s an important day), I carry a cell phone on my hip, a laptop in my bag, and sometimes a PDA in my pocket  Though I prefer local coffee shops, I don’t actually plan my clothing in an attempt to look casual-business (business-casual is now the new business attire, so people have to be a bit more casual and a bit less business hence casual-business), and I don’t own an mp3 player let alone an iPod. But if I had the chance to, I would buy an iPhone in a second.  Starbucks jokes be damned. For 30sec of apple based humor go here.  It’s a one page spoof of apple.  Was just thinking, they have so many moods to choose from, but I keep thinking of weird and totally not PC ones to add.  Hmmm… maybe I’ll save those for another day. Enjoy.  Now go to sleep.